tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post8582546725424322727..comments2024-02-21T05:25:03.233-05:00Comments on Adventures in YA Publishing: Query Letter #48Martina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-46249721388086449712010-09-30T16:51:44.803-04:002010-09-30T16:51:44.803-04:00First let me say this story sounds so cute!
Loved...First let me say this story sounds so cute!<br /><br />Loved. Loved. Loved... "Meanwhile, bible-thumping Gran and her daffodil spray bottle are determined to rid the house of these “abominations” by dousing them with a daily dose of holy water." This bit in the query aptly shows your story has humor, conflict & voice. Great job!!<br /><br />The one sentence that tripped me up a little was "Hero is constantly dragging his phobic friend, Sidekick, on backyard blunders where Sidekick is on the receiving end of swollen hips and bruised lips." I think you could reword this where there's clarity like what Hero is dragging him through (specifically, not just the backyard), or one of sidekick's phobias that Hero keeps exposing him to. I just think specifying the backyard blunders and his phobia would make the sentence have more voice like with the bible thumping Gran sentence.<br /><br />I also think you should include a word about the evil doll collector in the 3rd paragraph--Something like "...it is only when Princess is kidnapped by the evil doll collector that she picks up her pen again." because otherwise you seem to be saying that due to wild boars & writing under pressure saving Princess is no fairy tale and I know there's more at stake you could weave in the 3rd paragraph somewhere. <br /><br />Hope this helps and may you get many full requests. :)angelarenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13639436719051155045noreply@blogger.com