tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post8447297268414788224..comments2024-02-21T05:25:03.233-05:00Comments on Adventures in YA Publishing: 1st 5 Pages April Workshop - AlvaradoFrazier Rev 2Martina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-79319141917691947422012-04-29T12:56:48.752-04:002012-04-29T12:56:48.752-04:00Thanks for all your comments everyone.Thanks for all your comments everyone.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07925934256050681032noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-44058390239656353722012-04-27T23:46:21.411-04:002012-04-27T23:46:21.411-04:00I am definitely getting a clearer idea of the stor...I am definitely getting a clearer idea of the story- very good revision.<br /><br />I also agree with the others regarding the dialogue. <br /><br /><br />One suggestion is Ms Montes looks bach and forth at me and then Belinda and says, "Which one of you is Ivanov?"<br />I slowly lift my hand.Danahttp://momslifeponderings.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-64827123249960573612012-04-27T21:40:52.100-04:002012-04-27T21:40:52.100-04:00Same as above I think it's almost there! Just ...Same as above I think it's almost there! Just make sure you clarify who is speacing. <br />Great revision!<br />DiNae'Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-18398714708331440832012-04-27T18:16:57.337-04:002012-04-27T18:16:57.337-04:00I still want to know more about her daughter, and ...I still want to know more about her daughter, and would like some sort of hint as to why she's in this situation. Overall, though, great stuff!Robert Jameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00052921423866643389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-25660357927870913602012-04-27T18:16:55.371-04:002012-04-27T18:16:55.371-04:00Yup, I'm loving it. Sorry it took so long to c...Yup, I'm loving it. Sorry it took so long to comment, I've been without internet all week. I don't really have anything to add either. I think this is a great start.Lisa Gail Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03648323153868702165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-22764819767608290892012-04-26T17:01:18.485-04:002012-04-26T17:01:18.485-04:00This is lovely. I think the next thing you need to...This is lovely. I think the next thing you need to work on is getting your dialogue cues and tags completely clear so that we can always tell exactly who is speaking. You don't want to have the reader confused so early in the story.consider making the name of the correctional facility come out in a sign or something more natural than the current bit of dialogue. Apart from that, great job!<br /><br />MArtinaMartina Boonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.com