tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post7644032542761660894..comments2024-02-21T05:25:03.233-05:00Comments on Adventures in YA Publishing: 1st 5 Pages March Workshop - Casey Rev 2Martina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-9973378040479519762012-03-24T11:41:29.377-04:002012-03-24T11:41:29.377-04:00For some reason I like this begining better. It ea...For some reason I like this begining better. It eased me into the story and peaked my curiosity and if I was a reader who hadn't read your first five before, I'd be intrigued why she is being so stubborn. Just a question I thought to ask. Is she stubborn because she hates the idea of taking a slave or she's is so to rile her mom and do the opposite of what tradition dictates? Do girls have to be of a certain age to take slaves? Oh, and your descriptions are lovely. I just sighed reading them. :)Cecilia Roberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04416564789369523352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-37976964945687587812012-03-24T10:25:01.552-04:002012-03-24T10:25:01.552-04:00Hi Kheryn,
I know you say you are adamant about n...Hi Kheryn,<br /><br />I know you say you are adamant about not jumping into the slavehouse, but I think there isn't really anything in that first scene that can't be integrated into the second effectively. And I also think that you would still have plenty of room for beautiful description. The previous opening line was magic. Don't walk away from that!<br /><br />It's a lovely opening, and you can certainly write!<br /><br />MartinaMartina Boonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-85567355554500106122012-03-22T23:43:13.155-04:002012-03-22T23:43:13.155-04:00Your description is so lovely! I do think you coul...Your description is so lovely! I do think you could move the first scene's conversation to the auction so you could start with that very powerful visual of the boys on display. Perhaps they could be just arriving (in the car, maybe standing in a grand entryway) if you're very sure you shouldn't start exactly in the slavehouse. But as is, the first scene feels so short that it borders on pure set-up for the main attraction. Maybe there's a spot just before the slavehouse where something character-building or world-building could happen where you could spend some time?<br /><br />(I haven't said this before, but I love the name Sigourney.)Jessica Silvahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10265579216725914883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-36454129047266975282012-03-21T23:19:47.590-04:002012-03-21T23:19:47.590-04:00Ha, I knew that'd be the overall reaction. But...Ha, I knew that'd be the overall reaction. But, I am pretty adamant that the novel shouldn't jump right into the slavehouse. The other beginning might seem more exciting, but I also believe in easing into the novel with beautiful description to ground the reader. But still, so happy to see that everyone thinks the concept is intriguing! Thank you all so much. :)Kheryn Callenderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00430191402313735917noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-280025006728009512012-03-21T20:21:37.596-04:002012-03-21T20:21:37.596-04:00I just love this concept. I'm so intrigued. I ...I just love this concept. I'm so intrigued. I agree, though, that I liked the beginning in the previous drafts, just starting in the action. The added description adds a bit to the setting, but I don't think you need it yet. The cages of slaves already denotes w world other than our own, a possible future. Overall, so great!Amyhttp://amylovesya.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-47676740586073552012012-03-20T23:51:56.875-04:002012-03-20T23:51:56.875-04:00I like the previous versions only because that ope...I like the previous versions only because that opening with the slaves in the hall is such a powerful image. It intrigues and readies my mind for description, which you're so good at! Your new opening, however, has some interesting details--like the Satellite--but it doesn't grip me in the same way. I think all the tension with her mother is fantastic, and your whole concept is really compelling.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11607291218714097810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-21442957351400359992012-03-20T15:45:16.138-04:002012-03-20T15:45:16.138-04:00Still so fascinated by the concept! Love that. I d...Still so fascinated by the concept! Love that. I don't know about the earlier start though. I like some of it, but I worry about starting with so much description. I'd rather have that woven in while getting the story and character. I want a mention of slaves right away too. Maybe she can see the hall from her balcony? Or the port of the satellite where they're brought in? IDK. I still have questions, like what is her training/purpose there? Where do the slaves come from? But I suppose you don't have to answer everything right away. :DLisa Gail Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03648323153868702165noreply@blogger.com