tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post5420328472806300078..comments2024-02-21T05:25:03.233-05:00Comments on Adventures in YA Publishing: First Five Pages Workshop March - Final for Entry #2Martina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-41912848844369814102011-03-28T01:28:56.721-04:002011-03-28T01:28:56.721-04:00Okay, enough drooling...
I love the richness of y...Okay, enough drooling...<br /><br />I love the richness of your details, like "the blackest ink he'd ever seen" and her "slightly oversized ears"<br /><br />They give such a vivid mental image and that makes all the difference. Your words are a real and tangible event, not just a tale that's being told.<br /><br />Well done, Brenda! <3Editor Cassandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575298681582664196noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-74480195964546197582011-03-28T01:26:21.730-04:002011-03-28T01:26:21.730-04:00*want want want**want want want*Editor Cassandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575298681582664196noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-39829367528019642122011-03-27T23:30:13.390-04:002011-03-27T23:30:13.390-04:00Oh, B!! I LOVE it! I love how he's expecting a...Oh, B!! I LOVE it! I love how he's expecting a kiss and she's all into that gift. So cute! Great characters, great premise, you leave us wanting more. A globe that can take you anywhere!! The possibilities. Awesome job ;o)erica m. chapmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14773306703153110737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-55670852901263141252011-03-27T23:21:14.050-04:002011-03-27T23:21:14.050-04:00Wow, guys, thanks a lot. I already feel like a win...Wow, guys, thanks a lot. I already feel like a winner with all the help I've gotten on these first pages. I really have a sense of how the voice will go through out the entire ms! Hugs to everyone! :D <3 <3Brenda Drakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01263237745979525170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-63817587835260595642011-03-27T23:06:41.045-04:002011-03-27T23:06:41.045-04:00Love it! You've done such a nice job with this...Love it! You've done such a nice job with this. I really smiled when Max readied himself for the kiss. You could even go further if you want! I would even put the revelation "This wasn't about the promised kiss. " on its own line. <br /><br />There is far less back story here, and I think that's a big improvement. I know it's hard to lose that. <br /><br />I just love Max. I know I said it before. But I really do. Please keep us posted on your progress.Lisa Gail Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03648323153868702165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-40722500575214174342011-03-27T01:51:39.618-04:002011-03-27T01:51:39.618-04:00Loved it. Great job and such a wonderful improveme...Loved it. Great job and such a wonderful improvement over the original!Shelley Wattershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01441028066774362849noreply@blogger.com