tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post2973546056177384466..comments2024-02-21T05:25:03.233-05:00Comments on Adventures in YA Publishing: Pitch #38: Jessica LoveMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-83802314069799735792010-09-12T20:12:01.292-04:002010-09-12T20:12:01.292-04:00I really like this. IMHO I don't know if you n...I really like this. IMHO I don't know if you need "the" before drama club or not. Just wondering if it would flow better with it. <br /><br />Good luck, Jessica! :DBrenda Drakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01263237745979525170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-27209834459948586172010-09-11T22:39:25.327-04:002010-09-11T22:39:25.327-04:00Thanks for the feedback, everyone! :-) How's t...Thanks for the feedback, everyone! :-) How's this:<br /><br />When she's kicked off her high school dance team, Chelsea Park joins drama club where she must decide what really matters: keeping secrets to stay popular or letting her inner dork take the spotlight.Jessica Lovehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01382996481558671385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-45486540658728846392010-09-11T22:37:46.585-04:002010-09-11T22:37:46.585-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Jessica Lovehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01382996481558671385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-41257768917858674532010-09-10T01:14:18.617-04:002010-09-10T01:14:18.617-04:00Yeah, use drama club!
Hehe, I want to read this bo...Yeah, use drama club!<br />Hehe, I want to read this book. I'm such a dance/drama nerd:)<br />Adding 'high school' would definitly clarify that this is YA. But I like your initial logline better than the suggestions.<br />Nice:)Elan Crosshttp://www.elancross.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-30474081884340059922010-09-09T20:27:16.226-04:002010-09-09T20:27:16.226-04:00Well, Elana did a nice job with all of my issues/q...Well, Elana did a nice job with all of my issues/questions with it.<br /><br />I'd use "drama club" over theater, says the former (current?) drama nerd. Definitely more pathetic.<br /><br />Good luck!Jim Hillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11692156320503756630noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-85594881157717265562010-09-09T16:46:25.457-04:002010-09-09T16:46:25.457-04:00Okay, there's a couple of things missing. I kn...Okay, there's a couple of things missing. I know it's YA, you know it's YA, probably everyone knows it's YA. I still think you should say it. Or elude to it. I'm going to suggest some things in bold below.<br /><br /><b>When she's k</b>icked off <b>[her high school]</b> dance team, Chelsea Park join<b>(s)</b> the theater <b>(Is this not the school drama club? That's what I thought. But when you say "joins theater" it makes it sound like a community theater or something. I thought it was drama class, like high school musical productions, you know? If so, clarify that.)</b> where she must decide what really matters: keeping secrets to stay popular or letting her inner dork take the spotlight.<br /><br />So just some cleaning issues at the beginning. Other than that, I quite like this, especially the witty "inner dork."Elana Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05877856005992028912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-71453476860173836442010-09-09T13:28:20.715-04:002010-09-09T13:28:20.715-04:00Hey Jessica,
Just my opinion, but I think it need...Hey Jessica,<br /><br />Just my opinion, but I think it needs work. How about:<br /><br />A teenager, kicked off her dance team for bad behavior, finds a secret solace with geeks at the local theater, but she'll have to embrace her inner dork to let her true light shine.http://www.samposey.com/https://www.blogger.com/profile/16689027309415722271noreply@blogger.com