tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post2647561510214233088..comments2024-02-21T05:25:03.233-05:00Comments on Adventures in YA Publishing: 1st 5 Pages December Workshop - Haynes, Rev 3Martina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-10071581840490011582011-12-29T18:36:43.487-05:002011-12-29T18:36:43.487-05:00Yes, the voice is still strong. But, I have to sa...Yes, the voice is still strong. But, I have to say I wasn’t as captivated with this opening. It felt a little forced. A suggestion—using your previous opening and then go right to “It didn’t work, bringing your conflict/hook up sooner. Just my two cents. Getting to the friendship need/loss seems to me to be important, and I think we miss that with this opening. The rest of this is good. Be careful to not repeat. Once we know Caroline has moved away and your MC wants a friend, move us on. I don’t care too much about Caroline wanting to move. The last three paragraphs for me slowed us down on where we needed to go. If she’s going to meet the friend or Wheeze is involved, I’d bring that in sooner. This has been so fun to see your work on this. Best of luck to you in your writing.<br />SHelley<br /><br />“It didn’t matter that I was in my favorite looking at the<br />world spot – the window seat under the giant picture window in our<br />living room. And it didn’t matter that I was in my favorite<br />watching-the-world position – standing on my head with my feet against<br />the wall for balance. (Consider deleting-and jump to the next paragraph.)I still felt absolutely, positively rotten.<br /><br />It didn’t work. My best friend was really and truly gone,<br />and there wasn’t room for anything but the pea soup feeling that<br />started in my toes and didn’t end until it got to the top of my head.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-63938836176031465842011-12-28T02:15:51.390-05:002011-12-28T02:15:51.390-05:00Still love the voice. It's really amazing. You...Still love the voice. It's really amazing. You have some winning lines in there, like the dad looking at her with his whole self. And the whole lamebrained brother thing. :D I really don't have much to say, so I'll just say thank you for sharing it.Lisa Gail Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03648323153868702165noreply@blogger.com