tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post2032866399374807276..comments2024-02-21T05:25:03.233-05:00Comments on Adventures in YA Publishing: 1st 5 Pages June Workshop - Zoltack 3rd RevisionMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-17784317696265360572012-06-28T15:00:47.052-04:002012-06-28T15:00:47.052-04:00Happy to, Nicole--best of luck with this!Happy to, Nicole--best of luck with this!Angela Ackermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01808259088625142389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-52840399925278224812012-06-28T12:41:17.716-04:002012-06-28T12:41:17.716-04:00You cued right into what I was thinking shortly af...You cued right into what I was thinking shortly after I hit send on the email to send this. I do think she jumps to adoption too quickly. And if she mulls it over, tries to explain it away, that would help to explain why she doesn't confront her mom about it right away. I love the idea of slowing it down further. And I was thinking of adding something along the lines of: No, the woman couldn't be her birth mother because why would Mom throw out the picture if that was the case? It didn't make any sense.<br /><br />Thanks for your help, Angela, I appreciate it!Nicole Zoltackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07464800543376449290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-62285629282162357202012-06-27T18:16:16.237-04:002012-06-27T18:16:16.237-04:00Okay, I think finding the picture this way works a...Okay, I think finding the picture this way works a lot better. I was wondering though, why Crystal doesn't wait for her mom and ask her about it. Teens tend to be confrontational. <br /><br />I think she has a visceral reaction to the photo too soon: <i> Crystal gasped and blinked, unsure of what she was seeing. A lump formed in her throat, and her mouth grew dry as she tried to swallow it away. </i><br /><br />Instead I would slow this a bit. Have her study the couple, wondering who they were. friends of her Mom,? Did they know her dad? Then she hones in on the woman, drawn by her deep brown hair or something and looks closer. The hair, the eyes, a tilted smile...it was like looking in a mirror. Then show her visceral reaction to this realization. <br /><br />I like how you line up the two pictures, comparing the woman in the photo to her own mother. I wonder tho if she jumps too quickly to the idea of adoption. I'd like to see her try to talk herself out of it for a bit first. No, Mom would never keep something like that from her. They shared everything, especially since dad passed away. But then maybe Crystal remembers something where her mom was secretive, something where she refused to give Crystal a straight answer. Or maybe Crystal remembered a question the school nursed asked about family history and her mom wasn't able to answer...just something that triggers the idea that maybe she was adopted. <br /><br />Anyway, just thoughts to consider. Good luck with this Nicole!<br /><br />AngelaAngela Ackermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01808259088625142389noreply@blogger.com