Thursday, September 30, 2010

3 Query Letter #8

Query Letter #8
Sarah N. Fisk
YA Urban Fantasy

Dear Ms. LaPolla,

Miranda Dakin is the most powerful Fire Mage alive and could win this year’s annual Tournament – if she were three days older. Mages must be at least sixteen to attend The Tournament, the paramount event for the secretive modern-day Mage society. Waiting another year to compete becomes the least of her worries when a horde of supposedly-extinct demons attack The Tournament, killing or kidnapping every adult Mage – and taking her Psychic Mage mother as one of the hostages.

After receiving a message from her mother, Miranda must rescue the surviving Mages from a place she was told doesn't exist. She sets off on a cross-country rescue mission with three others: a strange young Holy Knight, her Witch of a best friend, and a Water Mage she's known since birth.

Miranda grapples with the seductive knowledge in a pair of ancient books from her outcast aunt’s attic, while discovering most of what she’s been taught about her magic is a strategic lie. An intimate betrayal and public demon attacks complicate matters when all Miranda wants is her mother safely back at home.

MIRANDA’S FIRE is a 65,000 word YA urban fantasy novel.

I also wanted to say I enjoy reading Glass Cases and following you on Twitter. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.


Sarah N. Fisk


  1. Hi Sarah!
    I really like this query and I think it promises lots of action! I would definitely read the book.

    The only thing I wanted to say is that when you opened the query with the tournament and kind of gave a lot of importance to it, I thought the story was going to be about the tournament, or something happening around the tournament. But in the end it's about rescuing her mother and dealing with lies.
    But maybe it's just me :D I liked the query anyway!

    Good luck and see you around! :D

  2. I agree with Monica- I thought the same thing. Though I think you are going for the fact she was left out so she wasn't taken. : )I like that she is discovering all these secrets about her Mage society, but the second paragraph makes it sound like she's left, while the third sounds like she's still in town searching for secrets in the aunt's attic. Also, I'm wonderingif the stakes are her mother's death, another attack by demons or the destruction of her society? Her goal is clear, but what she might lose isn't. Good luck- sounds very action packed and fun : )

  3. I really liked the query and wasn't bothered by the first paragraph. I felt the tournament led up to her mom being captured, which are great stakes.

    Then the story progresses in the second paragraph on the quest to find where her mom is being held. But like Bekah, I got a bit confused in the last paragraph. I think you could tighten it to focus on the main conflict at the end of the paragraph more. Good luck. It sounds like a great story with great stakes--rescuing her mom.


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