Thursday, September 30, 2010

2 Query Letter #10

Query Letter #10
Your Name: Natalie Aguirre
Genre: Middle Grade Fantasy

Dear Ms. LaPolla,

When twelve-year-old Jasmine follows a talking doorknob into a strange land, she must unlock her magical powers to save her best friend Austin. Everyone in Myrrdin thinks she has the ability to perform spells, just like her adoptive great-grandmother. But that’s impossible. Jasmine was adopted from China as a baby.

Then they discover that Glazdick is desperately searching for a special wand used to create an invisible wall around his country. Because it was designed by Jasmine’s great-grandmother, everyone believes Jasmine can power the wand. And worry she’ll be coerced into using it to destroy their magic, binding them to the evil would-be king Glazdick.

He thinks so too. And now he’s looking for both the wand and Jasmine.

Jasmine and Austin must find the wand before Glazdick captures them. Because he’ll stop at nothing—even utilizing Austin as a pawn—to make Jasmine help him. Jasmine must discover how her adoption unlocks her magical powers or she’ll face a terrible choice: cooperate in Glazdick’s evil plot or lose Austin forever.

THE THIRD TOWER is an upper middle grade fantasy complete at 70,000 words. While my manuscript is not in the urban fantasy or magical realism genres I have read on blogs you are interested in, I hope you will consider it. Jasmine is a unique character, being both Chinese and adopted.

I am an adoptive mom and founder of an adoption support group for children from China. I am also a member of SCBWI.

Thank you for your consideration.


Natalie Aguirre


  1. Ooh, interesting story!


    streamlining the number of characters you mention;

    sticking with one point of view (the main character's)--it seems you vascillate between paragraphs between Jasmine, "they," and Glazdick;

    I don't think you need the last two sentences of the opening paragraph--adoptive grandmother explains the situation.

    I don't think you need to point out the UF isn't really to the taste of the agent. ;) You mention Jasmine is a unique character--this could be considered telling. Instead, consider showing her uniqueness in the query letter itself.

  2. Thanks for the advice. In the last week, I've realized you are right that it's too much about Glazdick and others and not enough about Jasmine and what she does. I've been totally revising the query. Thanks for the advice.


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