Thursday, September 9, 2010

7 Pitch Entry #44: Elan Cross

Title: Grounders

Genre: YA science fiction

Drift becomes a champion in a game played in space, but when she is assigned a series of tasks each more bloody and terrifying than the last, she tries to get out, only to learn that leaving the game is not an option.

7 comments:

  1. Elan, woe! Way good! This, to me, is a great logline! I want to give you more of a "critique" but in my opinion, there is not much to say. I want to read this book! Gosh, the only thing I might add is "...in a daring game..." or something like that. Yes, I love it pretty much the way it is. This is clear, concise and grabbed my attention! w00t, w00t!

    xoxo -- Hilary

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  2. Interesting! One thing I'm missing from your query is the fact that Drift starts out in the late 1800's, and joins the space champions as a way to escape the squalor of her old life. But that might be difficult to fit into the logline, at least all of that. (Are we talking about outer space here, or something else in the "space" above the city? That's not ultra clear in the logline OR the query.)

    One thing you might do to up the tension of the last phrase is to change your last comma to a dash--only to learn that leaving the game is not an option.

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  3. I want to read this book, the only thing is I would have liked your "a game in space" more detailed to entice me and also becomes it reminded me with "even more bloody than the last" to the Hunger Games for some reason. So maybe if you detail that game, it will grab the reader even more and set your novel apart.

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  4. Thanks guys! Great advice:) And thanks again Hilary for mentoring and cheerleading:) You're the best!
    Yes, the game does take place in outer space. I'll need to clarify that.
    And grr, I know about the comparison to Hunger Games. I read the first book a few weeks ago and was like, "Am I going to have to revise my whole book so that I never mention the word 'game'?"
    I decided not to change anything. The plot of Grounders is nothing like Hunger Games. But you're right, Stephanie, a bit of clarification about the game of Grounders might be a good idea.
    Again, thanks everyone!

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  5. Elan, this totally puts your longer pitch into context, great job!

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  6. I loved this too.

    The one thing needing a tweak is the "space game".

    I'm a nerdy gamer so a fabtabuous game name would really grab me. The name drift is great! Space game is kinda... um. Words like:

    Exile
    Adrift
    Cosmic

    Say more without... saying more.

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  7. Reminds me a bit of "Ender's Game" and that's a good thing. Just wanted to offer support for a fellow sci-fi entry and say good luck!

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