Thursday, September 9, 2010

6 Pitch Entry #26 Jamie Manning

Title: EVER
Genre: YA Paranormal

Waking up in a coffin hungry for blood is only the beginning for sixteen-year-old Everly Blue. Things are about to get a lot worse.


  1. I think this pitch was too cliche. Of course it's only the beginning, and of course things are about to get worse! It wouldn't be a very interesting novel if things got better and better. I would almost rather you use this line: "a tiny shred of hope – kill 100 vampires to save her humanity".

  2. I agree. We need to see why this is different from every other vampire novel out there. I remember a bit from your pitch before and it is unique. The log line needs to show that

  3. Yep, ditto. The logline shouldn't just say the conflict; it should tell the MC's goal or what they must do for the rest of the novel to overcome that goal (at least hint at it). I'd omit the last line because it's vague, and the logline really should only be ONE line anyway.

    Oh yes, absolutely include the deal about killing 100 vampires to save her humanity!

  4. Maybe say something about what the book is about. I just know she's a vampire from reading this. Make yours unique. Otherwise people will see this and be like, "Not another Twilight!"

  5. I agree...the "things are about to get a lot worse" needs to be more specific to make your story stand out. I think the opportunity to get her humanity back by killing vampires shows interesting (and original) stakes for her right in this one sentence.

  6. I found it a little vague, too. Maybe lead into "thing are about to get a lot worse" by mentioning something else. The first line could mean that this was a startling wake up call in general, or a wake up call that she's had for a while, but for some reason this morning it's a problem. Need a little more info about the problem.


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