tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post5593333222020199346..comments2024-02-21T05:25:03.233-05:00Comments on Adventures in YA Publishing: Critique Clinic: Line-by-line Contest Round 3 CritiquesMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-71738507540465117222010-07-12T10:55:03.776-04:002010-07-12T10:55:03.776-04:00#22 Margay
I always knew my name would get me int...#22 Margay <br />I always knew my name would get me into trouble one day. I just didn’t think it would take this long. Maybe I have a slow fuse or a short attention span or something, but, anyway, it finally happened - I snapped. And my name got me in trouble.<br /><br />Seriously, with a name like Irene Goode, the probability ranked pretty high, if you know what I meanMargay Leah Justicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15490126898758440254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-29482106142204660712010-07-11T19:08:10.238-04:002010-07-11T19:08:10.238-04:00#33
Here are the first five lines of my MG novel:...#33<br /><br />Here are the first five lines of my MG novel:<br /><br />The last day of fifth grade should mark the beginning of a fun-filled summer for a girl. Not the end of life as I know it.<br /> No one ever accused me of being psychic, but I could tell the worst was on its way. I knew it because today we got our final report cards.<br /> “Happy last day of school, Jen!” Emily yelled.Heather Trent Beershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07146371008142593195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-62416132258040519132010-07-11T15:01:46.160-04:002010-07-11T15:01:46.160-04:00#45
I was born Rufus William Gunther Chase, but p...#45<br /><br />I was born Rufus William Gunther Chase, but people who know me call me Spoon. I was named for two grandfathers and one grandmother. Lucky for me, between my two grandmothers, my parents chose Grandma Gunther, or my name would have been Rufus William Mary Elizabeth Chase.<br /><br />I earned the nickname Spoon in an ordinary way thanks to my older sister Natalie, who by the age four had gotten used to tea parties for three and giving her dolls French names like Yvette and Pierre (formerly known as Raggedy Ann and Andy). After our parents brought me home, Natalie was scrambling for a fourth place setting at the children's dining table.Tarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12751877707299722975noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-88314157654359874892010-07-10T21:14:21.135-04:002010-07-10T21:14:21.135-04:00Thank you for this wonderful opportunity! Here are...Thank you for this wonderful opportunity! Here are the first five lines of my tween fantasy novel: <br /><br />#46<br />What kind of animal sounds like a woman singing? <br /><br />The beach was empty of people, but the air was filled with a haunting melody. It flew across the sea, bounced off the pounding surf and blew around me like an eerie sea-breeze as I walked along the shore. Slanting rays of sunset splashed the horizon pink and orange as gentle wavelets licked at my feet. <br /><br />Sounds great, doesn’t it?CLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07590549841681441356noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-91181960880763543102010-07-09T09:22:14.346-04:002010-07-09T09:22:14.346-04:00Congrats to the top 25 and thanks for the contest....Congrats to the top 25 and thanks for the contest.<br /><br />I'm #5. Here's my first 5 lines of my middle grade fantasy.<br /><br />“You don’t know what it’s like not knowing if you’re like your real mom or dad,” Jasmine said. She knew she shouldn’t have called her birthparents that—her Mom and Dad—the moment it came out of her mouth. She didn’t even know them. But although she was twelve now, she still couldn’t stop thinking about them and wondering who they were. <br /> <br />“I just wish I knew who’s tall like me or who likes swimming,” Jasmine said, clutching the small photo album of herself in the orphanage in China that her mom had made for her.Natalie Aguirrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03756087804171246660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-8768068411805592082010-07-09T09:01:46.039-04:002010-07-09T09:01:46.039-04:00#10
Congrats everyone. Thank you for this opportu...#10<br /><br />Congrats everyone. Thank you for this opportunity. And thank you for the critique for our first five sentences. I really appreciate it. I will pay it forward when I am published and have the chance. Blessings.<br /><br />Here are my first five sentences of my MG adventure novel:<br /><br />Anna threw open the barn door and smiled at Fancy, who stamped her foot and stuck her head over the stall opening. Her mane trembled with excitement and Anna's hands began to tingle.<br /><br />Oh, how she loved Fancy's hay-fresh breath and their usual early morning quest to outstare each other.<br /><br />Anna jabbed her boots into the dirt, determined to win. Fancy tensed her muscles, and swished her long tail.Robyn Campbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17356555082768185840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-21388019678624122010-07-09T08:51:16.276-04:002010-07-09T08:51:16.276-04:00Sorry, major typo in the last post:)
Congrats to ...Sorry, major typo in the last post:)<br /><br />Congrats to the tops! I'm just glad to have made it this far.<br /><br />It would probably be helpful to know a tiny bit about the Arcanom story because it is a fantasy:D<br /><br />During a war against sorcerers, young mages are drafted to become soldiers at an academy of magic.<br />-------------<br />#13<br /><br />Yeah, it was gross, but with only seconds to spare Allix had no choice. Without hesitation she plunged her fist into the toilet bowl and waited.<br /><br />Soon bubbles escaped from the tiny vents in her clamped hand, and the cool water quickly heated to a simmer, making the experiment a major fail on an epic scale.<br /><br />Despite her best effort, the hand would heat up, the vision would come, then god knows what. At least this time nothing would get burned.<br />-------------<br /><br />Thanks again:)Sangay Glasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02522075900678929866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-56865742435431688602010-07-08T22:59:27.948-04:002010-07-08T22:59:27.948-04:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.PhD Misdemeanours https://www.blogger.com/profile/01605461415708126597noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-57015837472031534862010-07-08T20:46:30.547-04:002010-07-08T20:46:30.547-04:00Just read the others (they are great!) and thought...Just read the others (they are great!) and thought I'd add that #15 is a MG fantasy novel. Thanks for the great opportunity!Overdunnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11182123910081050259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-83177279201754650462010-07-08T20:25:36.406-04:002010-07-08T20:25:36.406-04:00Thank you all for the opportunity to share, learn ...Thank you all for the opportunity to share, learn and grow. Very much appreciated! Brenda Corey Dunne<br /><br />#15:<br /><br />Ellen’s forehead cracked painfully against the window as her Aunt’s ancient pick-up hit a huge hole in the questionable country road, waking her from the most bizarre dream. A vague memory of writhing vines only amplified her desire to vomit. She swallowed, one hand over her mouth and the other clenching her seatbelt.<br /><br />Aunt Marg chuckled beside her.<br /> <br />“Sorry about the road, the pot holes get bigger every year,” Aunt Marg said, her ever-present smile making dimples in her cheeks.Overdunnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11182123910081050259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-1567584994551063082010-07-08T16:08:05.191-04:002010-07-08T16:08:05.191-04:00# 34
Congrats to the Top 25!
Here are the first...# 34<br /><br />Congrats to the Top 25! <br /><br />Here are the first five sentences of my YA contem. romance:<br /><br /> Riding to school with Max Holden is only slightly less traumatizing than riding the big yellow bus. <br /> I remind myself of that fact every morning when I cross the lawn from my front yard into his, headed for his already-running F-150. You’d be colder at the bus stop, I think as my feet crunch through frosty grass. Bus fumes are worse, I tell myself, hurrying through clouds of stinky exhaust that pour from his truck’s tail pipe. The bus doesn’t even have music, I consider as the unmistakably twang of classic country leaks from the cab.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-65718600147063655692010-07-08T15:10:30.976-04:002010-07-08T15:10:30.976-04:00Congrats to the top 25! I'm thankful to have h...Congrats to the top 25! I'm thankful to have had a chance to participate in this contest :)<br /><br />Here's the first five sentences of my YA paranormal:<br /><br />#95<br /><br />The newspapers all said it was an accident. That there was no reason to suspect any foul play had been involved. That the lake was swollen from the recent rains, and he hadn’t been a particularly strong swimmer to begin with. It was tragic, yeah—but things like this happened. <br /><br />My mom’s hand rested lightly on my shoulder, in what I think was an attempt to be comforting.Stefanie Gaitherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10395840199437943202noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-30569777204666143752010-07-08T15:08:50.534-04:002010-07-08T15:08:50.534-04:00Congrats to the top 25! Here are my first five:
I...Congrats to the top 25! Here are my first five:<br /><br />I’d heard of signs of the apocalypse, but I didn’t know that one of them was a crazy guy wandering out of a forest and into my favorite hangout. Okay, it wasn’t exactly the end of the world, but it was the end of the life I’d known for the past twelve years.<br /><br />It started like any other day off from school. My sister, Holly, and I had gone to the park to try out the new bike ramps, and I was about to climb the biggest ramp when the vision hit me. Some people might think having visions was cool, but for me it was a curse.Kelly Hashwayhttp://www.kellyhashway.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-9626991132654426832010-07-08T14:00:02.143-04:002010-07-08T14:00:02.143-04:00Congrats to the top 25! Here are my first five sen...Congrats to the top 25! Here are my first five sentences:<br /><br />The shriek of my cell phone in the quiet classroom meant only one thing: the killer had found us again.<br /><br />My fingers fumbled, palms slick with dread, but I had to answer on the first ring—that was the rule. <br /><br />I raised the phone to my ear and was out of my chair even before I heard my mother’s panicked command: Run.<br /><br />With shaking hands I stuffed my books and notes into my bag—we could leave nothing personal behind; that was another rule. I raced past the scowling teacher, knowing every minute, every second, brought the killer closer.KaraLeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05037958842051839383noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-68532979280971395012010-07-08T12:08:36.502-04:002010-07-08T12:08:36.502-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Sangay Glasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02522075900678929866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-48670694433458916852010-07-08T11:30:08.106-04:002010-07-08T11:30:08.106-04:00Congrats to the 25 who made the cut! This is a gre...Congrats to the 25 who made the cut! This is a great contest and opportunity. Thanks!<br /><br />#50<br />My hand hovered over the latch, my stomach churning. What I did today, I had never done before, and boy was I gonna get it!<br /><br />Pa’s work clothes lay in a pile outside the door waiting for one of my sisters to beat the coal dust out of them. Inside the house was silent. No laughter, no singing, no happy chatter.Traci VWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18158949570719862850noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-63071838114800979132010-07-08T09:09:53.360-04:002010-07-08T09:09:53.360-04:00Congratulations to the top 25! :)
#94 Here are th...Congratulations to the top 25! :)<br /><br />#94 Here are the first five of my MG fantasy:<br /><br />Angela Fortunata woke up with a thump and a whack. What woke her, what had woken her every morning for the past two years, was pain. She had fallen out of bed again, thumped her head on the floor, and whacked her outstretched hand on the open drawer of her nightstand. <br /><br />Angela lay on the floor, nursing her wounds until she heard the screech of her alarm clock. She winced as she stood up and reached to silence it, reminding herself for the hundredth time to change the alarm setting to music.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05783301584478246413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-66229596912637152562010-07-08T08:07:44.585-04:002010-07-08T08:07:44.585-04:00Congrats to the top 25! :)
#36 Here's the fi...Congrats to the top 25! :)<br /><br />#36 Here's the first five of my YA, which is dystopian by some standards, but I'm reluctant to label it as such:<br /><br />Life is so much easier without underwear. That was something I had clung to, but Sal was right when he told me underwear was useless. Sal taught me a lot of things. Like how to pee while holding a bow with an arrow nocked and drawn. In the Wild you have to know how to do that.Artemis Greyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10849091563671031929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-49172147967351338572010-07-08T07:54:05.587-04:002010-07-08T07:54:05.587-04:00Congrats to the top 25. Awesomeness:)
#21 Here&#...Congrats to the top 25. Awesomeness:) <br /><br />#21 Here's my first five of MG.<br /><br />I have a secret. I know things. Lots of things. Like I know that my math teacher, Mr. Bugg, is going to pick his nose and wipe a boogie on the back of his smiley face tie when he turns around to write on the board. And I know that Lacey, who sits next to me, is hoping that Jon, who sits behind me, asks her to our eighth-grade school dance.Buffy Andrewshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07033283884801658206noreply@blogger.com