tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post44913619456890513..comments2024-02-21T05:25:03.233-05:00Comments on Adventures in YA Publishing: 1st 5 Pages February Workshop - Wilson Rev 2Martina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-75539530749509266572012-02-24T01:07:59.803-05:002012-02-24T01:07:59.803-05:00I love this! I'm not sure why I sympathize wit...I love this! I'm not sure why I sympathize with Lyndon so quickly, but I think it's because I can feel how overwhelmed he is, checking the time, trying to balance a job, school, an interview, and caring for his brother. He seems tired and I know exactly how he feels! Which is what you want your reader to feel. <br /><br />Believe it or not, this is a much stronger beginning than Koral. Honestly, if you cut the Koral scene entirely and just have her tell Lyndon what she saw, you wouldn't lose anything. I know you're concerned that the reader will be as doubtful as Lyndon will be when she tells him about it, but is that really such a bad thing? Doubting Koral's veracity would add tension for the reader, a sense of mystery that would keep him/her reading to find out if Koral is really crazy or if she actually saw what she says she did. Obviously, you know your book better than we do, but if it's not critical that the reader know for an absolute certainty that Koral saw it, then consider leaving it out altogether. <br /><br />About the YA/not-YA, just write the story that's in you and worry about the market later. If the guy is in college, he's in college. I read an entire Nancy Drew series where she was in college when I was in high school. I have no idea if it will fly with publishers, but who does these days? And if there's a "new adult" genre that a publisher wants to put your story into, maybe yours will be the breakout book that makes that genre popular. The upshot is that though it's important for you to have a sense of the market and where your book fits into it, your agent/editor will help you find the right niche when it's time. <br /><br />Great stuff! :-DM.E. Summerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15721635796108451198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-52731360170993924772012-02-22T09:35:13.802-05:002012-02-22T09:35:13.802-05:00Hi Rhen!
As you know, I really like your first ch...Hi Rhen!<br /><br />As you know, I really like your first chapter. However, upon reflection, I think that it would make sense to really summarize the interaction with the brother and sister into one paragraph that stresses Koral's endearing responses to them. That way, it would be quickly clear to the reader what kind of story this is and it would make sure that the ones who will appreciate this kind of story the most will keep reading. <br /><br />I also really liked the Lyndon POV (although I was kind of hoping he would be more squarely YA and he seems to be in college). The only thing that stopped me was trying to imagine someone cutting through 50 pages at once. That seems very hard to do, and kind of makes my hands hurt thinking about it. :)<br /><br />So, as a reader I would prefer to read a shortened version of Koral's chapter (so it basically works as a prologue), and then move on to Lyndon's because I certainly see your point about why we need to see the melting woman from Koral's perspective. That means that you probably wouldn't have luck with any of the agents who categorically hate prologues, but I have the feeling there are plenty of agents who are more ambivalent about it.<br /><br />Good luck!Ann Bradenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06948850218207863022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-52437605050538883102012-02-21T20:03:05.039-05:002012-02-21T20:03:05.039-05:00I have to say, I'm torn. It's not typicall...I have to say, I'm torn. It's not typically "done" this way, but I can't possibly tell you whether to go for it or not based on what I've seen. I wish I had the time for a Beta read. I think it's obvious you are a good writer. And as many people that there are who tell you the "rules" you have to follow, there are several that do it their own way and succeed. It may be a tough sell, is all I can say. If you're switching POVs, I understand that better. I still hesitate, like Martina, at calling this YA. That's just my two cents though. <br /><br />I hate to sound like a parrot with Martina, but the phonebook thickness was truly the only thing that stood out to me in this page. Again, your writing is good. I wish you best of luck! I hope I'm wrong, and that I find this in print someday soon.Lisa Gail Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03648323153868702165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-63170824204986452362012-02-21T09:08:39.542-05:002012-02-21T09:08:39.542-05:00Rhen,
I love this. The characters are unique and ...Rhen,<br /><br />I love this. The characters are unique and this reads naturally and well. I had a little trouble with the mechanics of the Mass Media book being thicker than a phone but being destroyed in fifty pages. Can you make it a little clearer that most of the book was already cut in half? We don't want to have to stop and think about it.<br /><br />That's the easy part.<br /><br />As far as the rest goes, I still believe that the first scene doesn't add much. If Lyndon is your mc, I would recommend writing the scene between your psychic and the old woman and man who set her on the journey and using that as a prologue. That, in my opinion which isn't necessarily worth a damn thing, is a valid use of a prologue. And then launch into your mc's point of view, which is delightful. I feel for him so much after this first page!<br /><br />This is shaping up to be a book with a lot of potential, and I think you have a lot of talent. I'm still not sure about marketing this as YA. <br /><br />Looking forward to hearing other thoughts, and seeing what you ultimately decide to do!<br /><br />Best,<br /><br />MartinaMartina Boonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.com