tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post4094590101263184516..comments2024-02-21T05:25:03.233-05:00Comments on Adventures in YA Publishing: Query Letter #7Martina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-70637978980195597612010-09-30T12:22:07.656-04:002010-09-30T12:22:07.656-04:00Thanks Guys. I think I may reword it so it actuall...Thanks Guys. I think I may reword it so it actually shows what they are - a version of a demigod (My own version of demigods.)Jennifer L. Armentrouthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00913648987251002847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-83891211782742410102010-09-30T11:10:07.009-04:002010-09-30T11:10:07.009-04:00What I am wondering is what kind of half and pure ...What I am wondering is what kind of half and pure bloods are they? I think you could leave out the "Why?" and we would still understand that the Gods forbid it. I'm not sure about the "getting over the hormones." If I were a teen, it's heard so much, and in an almost patronizing way, that it'd be iffy- maybe that's me LOL. YOu set up the stakes well, and you have a world that already sounds very coolAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-9865402212288899062010-09-30T10:25:14.016-04:002010-09-30T10:25:14.016-04:00Hi Jennifer,
Firstly, I love the premise. LOVE I...Hi Jennifer, <br /><br />Firstly, I love the premise. LOVE IT! And I thought you did a great job with Alex's voice throughout the query. You have everything you should in there including a little bit about you - 300 words was tough!<br /><br />The second line in the second paragraph threw me a little<br /><br />'...what the pure-blood Instructor is training seventeen-year-old Alex to kill. And now her own mother is after her.'<br /><br />It's not clear who her instructor is. I know in the first sentence you mentioned she was crushing Aiden, but there was no suggestion he was her pure blood instructor. If I was reading it with fresh eyes having not followed it through the contest, I would think her instructor and Aiden were two different people. You could try using Alex's voice a little more in this part of the query.<br /><br />Killing her mom won't be easy - yay think ;) I'm sorry if that sounds cheeky - it's not meant to be, of course killing her mom won't be easy - even if her mom is a daimon. Did you read Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan? Mary the protag had to face something similar-ish. When Alex is faced with killing her mom can she go through with it or does she hesitate?<br /><br />Good luck, and I really hope to see you on the shelves.Janicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12018462020647415671noreply@blogger.com