tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post3760987685499968638..comments2024-02-21T05:25:03.233-05:00Comments on Adventures in YA Publishing: #95 StefanieMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-46999611039474323852010-07-17T14:26:33.366-04:002010-07-17T14:26:33.366-04:00Thank you guys! I really appreciate the input :)Thank you guys! I really appreciate the input :)Stefanie Gaitherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10395840199437943202noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-7478747693583085982010-07-15T16:19:45.941-04:002010-07-15T16:19:45.941-04:00I agree with Carol. I think all you need is a litt...I agree with Carol. I think all you need is a little tightening and you'll have something really great. Good job :)Cole Gibsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08384758019054580574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-50293367776120895912010-07-14T16:38:44.417-04:002010-07-14T16:38:44.417-04:00Good start in that obviously this is a compelling ...Good start in that obviously this is a compelling tragedy that begins in this main character's life. Kind of a "punch in the gut" kind of opening. One thing that strikes me about the first paragraph is that it does have a lot of weak was/to be verbs, which tends to dilute the strength of a passage and makes it more passive and feel more distant. Perhaps more active, gut-wrenching verbs could be introduced there, to see it thru the MC's eyes and feel what he/she is feeling (or to up the emotional impact of the passage). On the other hand, maybe what the MC is feeling is shock, and there hasn't been time for his/her reaction. I do like that there's an implication that there might be more involved than an "accident." Adds more conflict and interest that way.Carol Riggshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14092209912983783974noreply@blogger.com