tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post2283978781056076654..comments2024-02-21T05:25:03.233-05:00Comments on Adventures in YA Publishing: #27 salarsenッMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-44748566410178532562010-07-21T15:04:28.783-04:002010-07-21T15:04:28.783-04:00The passage is definitely intriguing, but a little...The passage is definitely intriguing, but a little confusing. I think that some of the description is overdone and it impedes the flow of your writing. I felt like the details of “the Three” are very important to the main character and to whatever her situation is, but the long list of physical description makes the story difficult to follow, especially the sentences that begin “Afternoon sunlight…” I had a difficult time following the main character’s train of thought until I reread it a few times. I still don’t know exactly what happening, and that’s okay because I assume you’ll fill me in on subsequent pages, but I do need to feel like I understand what she’s thinking a little better or I won’t want to turn the page. The voice is compelling when I hear it, like in the sentence “Why are the weird ones so yummy?”, but I think you need to let it shine through a more. I think you have an intriguing start, it just needs to be simplified.Riley Carneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10555525091070117612noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005062827798430682.post-55320248426597267612010-07-20T13:55:30.824-04:002010-07-20T13:55:30.824-04:00I love the tone. I'm intrigued. But there ar...I love the tone. I'm intrigued. But there are a lot of questions presented here, I'm hoping that from here on in it doesn't get too confusing before some of what's going down is clarified. <br />My biggest question isn't just who are they, but are they dead? You say in the second line the dead-corpse look was different. I originally took that to mean the dead-corpse's look was different from the normal look of a dead-corpse. :)Then you mention his zombie/chalk skin. Honestly, I had to read it twice. Otherwise it was great. i definitely want to read more.Lisa Gail Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03648323153868702165noreply@blogger.com