The second round of revisions are up for our December First Five Pages workshop participants. The five entries follow this post. The writers will have considered and applied the suggestions from the past two weeks that have rung true for them, so structurally, these pages should be pretty sound. This is the last revision round where we should really be focusing on structure, and it is also time in this round to start looking at writing patterns. In addition to making sure the big picture items like action, theme, mood, character development, and setting are balanced and coming across clearly and invitingly, it's time to start considering whether dialogue is sounding "true" and if it is moving fast enough, whether there are too many filler words or throw-away sentences, whether sentence structure is varied enough, whether you have enough power words and backloaded sentences/paragraphs to hit the mood and tone hard, and enough "teasers" to keep pulling readers through the story.
Please help out the participants by commenting. What's working? What's not working? Are you hooked? Would you buy this if you saw it as a sample?
Jump in everyone! We're looking forward to your comments.