Thursday, September 30, 2010

3 Query Letter #7

Query Letter #7
Jennifer Armentrout
Title: Half-Blood
Genre: YA Urban Fantasy

Dear Ms. LaPolla,

There’s nothing like crushing on the hot and totally forbidden Aiden to take Alexandria’s mind off training to kill her mother.

When Alex’s mother tasted the first drop of aether—the essence of the gods—she lost her humanity. She became a daimon, what the pure-blood Instructor is training seventeen-year-old Alex to kill. And now her own mother is after her.

Falling for her slightly older Instructor is not a complication Alex needs. Her desire for him could get her butt kicked out of the Covenant, a school for preparing halfs like Alex to kill daimons. Relationships between pures and halfs aren’t allowed. Why? The Gods forbid it. Yeah, even Alex thinks that's crap. But even if she can overcome her hormones—and that’s a big if—she’s not sure she can fulfill the duty expected of her.

Killing her mom won't be easy. If Alexandria fails, she’ll be forced into servitude, the only alternative for Covenant drop-outs. Which sucks. Oh, and she faces being turned into a daimon herself and hunted by Aiden. And that sucks, too. Big time.

Half-Blood is a YA Urban Fantasy romance complete at 93,000 words. While attending Shepherd University, studying both Psychology and Sociology with a Criminal Justice track, I rediscovered my passion for crafting stories. Several creative writing classes and workshops later, I decided to pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a career novelist.

I thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Jennifer Armentrout
304-561-4767
jarmentrout@live.com

3 comments:

  1. Hi Jennifer,

    Firstly, I love the premise. LOVE IT! And I thought you did a great job with Alex's voice throughout the query. You have everything you should in there including a little bit about you - 300 words was tough!

    The second line in the second paragraph threw me a little

    '...what the pure-blood Instructor is training seventeen-year-old Alex to kill. And now her own mother is after her.'

    It's not clear who her instructor is. I know in the first sentence you mentioned she was crushing Aiden, but there was no suggestion he was her pure blood instructor. If I was reading it with fresh eyes having not followed it through the contest, I would think her instructor and Aiden were two different people. You could try using Alex's voice a little more in this part of the query.

    Killing her mom won't be easy - yay think ;) I'm sorry if that sounds cheeky - it's not meant to be, of course killing her mom won't be easy - even if her mom is a daimon. Did you read Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan? Mary the protag had to face something similar-ish. When Alex is faced with killing her mom can she go through with it or does she hesitate?

    Good luck, and I really hope to see you on the shelves.

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  2. What I am wondering is what kind of half and pure bloods are they? I think you could leave out the "Why?" and we would still understand that the Gods forbid it. I'm not sure about the "getting over the hormones." If I were a teen, it's heard so much, and in an almost patronizing way, that it'd be iffy- maybe that's me LOL. YOu set up the stakes well, and you have a world that already sounds very cool

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  3. Thanks Guys. I think I may reword it so it actually shows what they are - a version of a demigod (My own version of demigods.)

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