Thursday, September 30, 2010

5 Query Letter #5

Query #5
Melissa Gill
Zombie Rabbit
Middle Grade/Adventure

In an interview on Mother. Write. (Repeat). you said you were looking for “anything quirky.” A zombie rabbit who leads a group of decomposing rodents to liberate an animal testing lab has a pretty high quirk factor. I hope you’ll consider ZOMBIE RABBIT for your list.

Death as a zombie is not going so hot for Milo the rabbit. His eyeball won’t stop bouncing on his face, and if he doesn't find a way to move on to the Misty Meadow, he’ll have to go to The Hot Place. Being chased by predators for eternity would totally stink.

If he wants to move on, he has to rescue a rabbit from an animal testing lab. As usual, he spaced out when he was getting the directions. Now he has to figure this out the hard way. Lucky for him, he’s got a one armed squirrel and his skeleton wife, an owl pellet, and a dried out frog skin to help him. They’re sure to make all the difference in Milo’s quest.

To succeed they have to get past a riddling fox, a wake of carrion-loving vultures, and a one-eyed Rottweiler. Once they reach the human-infested lab, they have to defeat the dastardly Lady in Pink. But hey, they can’t get any deader, right? So what could go wrong? Oh yeah, if they don’t complete the task by the next full moon, or before he disintegrates, Milo will wind up in The Hot Place. No pressure there.

ZOMBIE RABBIT is a 33,000 word Middle Grade, Adventure.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.

5 comments:

  1. I don't have any suggestions. I just wanted to say I loved this query. The list of side-kicks literally had me laughing out loud. Especially the owl pellet.
    Good luck- I hope to be able to buy this for my kids!

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  2. Melissa, your query is one I think I'll always remember lol. Like Mguibord above I have no suggestions. Zombie Rabbit demands to be published. MG readers would love this.

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  3. I love this query, and this concept. Every time I read it, I think "Bunnicula!" which is AWESOME--those were my absolute favorite books as a kid.

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  4. Melissa - this query is so much more effective IMO than your first version. Good work. :)

    Nice prsonalization in your first paragraph, but I might smooth it out a little - ie:

    "In an interview on Mother. Write. (Repeat). you said you were looking for “anything quirky.” Therefore, I hope you will consider represnting my middle grade novel, ZOMBIE RABBIT, about a zombie rabbit who leads a group of decomposing rodents to liberate an animal testing lab." I think mainly that the fact that you think the book has a high quirk factor is clear without you having to say it ;)

    I don't think this sentence adds anything to the query ---> "They’re sure to make all the difference in Milo’s quest." I'd cut it.

    I'd try to get rid of the "have to " construction in one of the next sentences, and change it in teh remaining sentence to be the things they will have to do. ie, "To succeed they'll have to..." or "Once they reach the human-infested lab, they'll have to"

    This next paragraph feels like the voice shifts - and it feels suddenly like a more mature voice than the earlier paragraphs - which is closer to the story? And I'm personally not a fan of rhetorical questions, but these are not too mockable ;)

    Overall, you've showcased the best bits of your story in a much more clear and readable way. Great work. Thank for sharing it, and good luck! :)

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  5. I think I'm falling in love with Milo! Forget MG I can't wait to read it! I think this query is very much improved and very concise, yet not boring in the slightest. Any suggestions I might have had have already been covered. Congrats on nailing this Melissa!

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