Thursday, September 30, 2010

1 Query Letter #48

Query Letter #48
Your Name: Charlie Eve
Title: HERO AND VILLAIN
Genre: MG Adventure/Humor/Fantasy


Dear Ms. Lapolla,

When twelve year-old writer Mason Grey’s fictional characters come to life and Princess is kidnapped, she must find her muse and help this misfit band of heroes save Princess from an evil doll collector.

First Mason must maintain her sanity as this neurotic cast of characters takes over her home. Hero is constantly dragging his phobic friend, Sidekick, on backyard blunders where Sidekick is on the receiving end of swollen hips and bruised lips. Villain loves Princess and is convinced Mason is trying to poison him. Meanwhile, bible-thumping Gran and her daffodil spray bottle are determined to rid the house of these “abominations” by dousing them with a daily dose of holy water.

With all the commotion, Mason has lost her inspiration to write and it is only when Princess is kidnapped that she picks up her pen again. Along the way, Mason finds out she is not good at writing under pressure and soon horses become wild boars and saving Princess is no fairytale.

HERO AND VILLAIN is a 32,000 word MG adventure/humor/fantasy novel. I follow your blog, Glass Cases and I am seeking representation from you based on your interest in character-driven stories. I am a freelance writer and member of SCBWI. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Charlie Eve
Email: kidsbookjunky@gmail.com

1 comment:

  1. First let me say this story sounds so cute!

    Loved. Loved. Loved... "Meanwhile, bible-thumping Gran and her daffodil spray bottle are determined to rid the house of these “abominations” by dousing them with a daily dose of holy water." This bit in the query aptly shows your story has humor, conflict & voice. Great job!!

    The one sentence that tripped me up a little was "Hero is constantly dragging his phobic friend, Sidekick, on backyard blunders where Sidekick is on the receiving end of swollen hips and bruised lips." I think you could reword this where there's clarity like what Hero is dragging him through (specifically, not just the backyard), or one of sidekick's phobias that Hero keeps exposing him to. I just think specifying the backyard blunders and his phobia would make the sentence have more voice like with the bible thumping Gran sentence.

    I also think you should include a word about the evil doll collector in the 3rd paragraph--Something like "...it is only when Princess is kidnapped by the evil doll collector that she picks up her pen again." because otherwise you seem to be saying that due to wild boars & writing under pressure saving Princess is no fairy tale and I know there's more at stake you could weave in the 3rd paragraph somewhere.

    Hope this helps and may you get many full requests. :)

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