Thursday, September 30, 2010

1 Query Letter #40

Query Letter #40
Your Name: Cheryl Angst
Title: Nikko's Bond
Genre: Upper MG dystopian

Dear Ms. LaPolla:

When his best friend is sentenced to death, Nikko must choose between saving her or betraying the soul he's been bonded to since birth.

I follow you on Twitter as well as read your blog, and I love how you're providing an open mike of sorts to writers who wish to share their work. I am submitting my upper MG dystopian (with light sci-fi elements) for your consideration.

Twelve-year-old Nikko has never left the nursery. He’s never been to the corner store, or met anyone from outside the compound – not even his parents.

Nikko is a host, a child bred to symbiotically support one of the beings known as the Guardians. Bonded at birth, he’s lived his entire life with a single goal: prepare for the moment when he and his symbiont physically become one. With his merge only days away, Nikko must leave the nursery and say goodbye to the one person he loves as much as his symbiont, his best friend Samatia.

Unwilling to face the future without each other, Nikko concocts a risky strategy to bring Sam along. His plan succeeds, but what began as a means of staying together becomes a death sentence for Sam when her symbiont dies. Torn between friendship and desire, Nikko must decide: merge with his symbiont and become truly whole, or save Sam and spend the rest of his life a fugitive from the Guardians.

Nikko’s Bond is a stand-alone with series potential and can best be described as Schooled meets Invasion of the Body Snatchers. The novel may appeal to readers who enjoyed Margaret Peterson Haddix’s Shadow Children series or Phillip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Cheryl! Sounds like a great story.

    One suggestion I would make is, since you lead the query with your pitch(that I really like BTW), I would not follow it with your 2nd paragraph blurb to Sarah because it interrupts the flow of your query. Maybe just place the blurb to Sarah in the last paragraph so that we learn the story of Nikko from start to finish.

    And I was left with a lot of questions...Is the symbiont attached to the person somewhat before the merge? Does Nikko disappear if he merges? Couldn't Samatia merge too? And since her symbiont dies does that mean she has to die too? And hey. If I was an agent those questions would make me want to request pages so I could find out more but for the busy "real" agent, it might be too many questions that might cause them to not request--- so maybe just to clarify those questions somehow would be a good idea.

    And this line "Torn between friendship and desire", "friendship" is referring to Samatia since in the 1st paragraph that's his best friend? And "desire" refers to his wanting to merge? I would maybe clarify such as torn between his friendship for Samatia and his desire to merge....

    Hope this helped & here's hoping you get many requests for fulls :)

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