Thursday, September 9, 2010

7 Pitch #38: Jessica Love

Title: Giving In
Genre: YA Contemporary

Kicked off dance team, Chelsea Park is forced to join the theater where she must decide what really matters: keeping secrets to stay popular or letting her inner dork take the spotlight.

7 comments:

  1. Hey Jessica,

    Just my opinion, but I think it needs work. How about:

    A teenager, kicked off her dance team for bad behavior, finds a secret solace with geeks at the local theater, but she'll have to embrace her inner dork to let her true light shine.

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  2. Okay, there's a couple of things missing. I know it's YA, you know it's YA, probably everyone knows it's YA. I still think you should say it. Or elude to it. I'm going to suggest some things in bold below.

    When she's kicked off [her high school] dance team, Chelsea Park join(s) the theater (Is this not the school drama club? That's what I thought. But when you say "joins theater" it makes it sound like a community theater or something. I thought it was drama class, like high school musical productions, you know? If so, clarify that.) where she must decide what really matters: keeping secrets to stay popular or letting her inner dork take the spotlight.

    So just some cleaning issues at the beginning. Other than that, I quite like this, especially the witty "inner dork."

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  3. Well, Elana did a nice job with all of my issues/questions with it.

    I'd use "drama club" over theater, says the former (current?) drama nerd. Definitely more pathetic.

    Good luck!

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  4. Yeah, use drama club!
    Hehe, I want to read this book. I'm such a dance/drama nerd:)
    Adding 'high school' would definitly clarify that this is YA. But I like your initial logline better than the suggestions.
    Nice:)

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. Thanks for the feedback, everyone! :-) How's this:

    When she's kicked off her high school dance team, Chelsea Park joins drama club where she must decide what really matters: keeping secrets to stay popular or letting her inner dork take the spotlight.

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  7. I really like this. IMHO I don't know if you need "the" before drama club or not. Just wondering if it would flow better with it.

    Good luck, Jessica! :D

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