Tuesday, July 13, 2010

3 #33 Heather Trent Beers (MG)

The last day of fifth grade should mark the beginning of a fun-filled summer for a girl. Not the end of life as I know it.

No one ever accused me of being psychic, but I could tell the worst was on its way. I knew it because today we got our final report cards.

“Happy last day of school, Jen!” Emily yelled.

3 comments:

  1. Heather--It sounds like you've got something good going here. I love mg novels...

    I would remove "for a girl" from the first sentence. Readers will figure out it's a girl on their own.

    Best wishes...

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is a good beginning. Some things are implied already--Jen is not a good student! There is conflict from the start here, which is a positive thing. The sentence "Not the end of life as I know it" is intriguing. The reader will wonder how a bad report card begins the process of a bad summer, and ultimately, the end of life as she knew it (unless she's being melodramatic and it's not really as big of a deal as she's making it sound, like...she has to go to summer school or something). One comment I have is that I think you need to say "the end of life as I KNEW it" rather than know, present tense. I'm not 100% sure on that, but it's a feeling I have.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great start! I agree with Sharon and Carol in that I would get rid of "for a girl" and change "know" to "knew". I'd definitely keep reading :)

    ReplyDelete

Tell us what you think. We'd love to hear from you! :)