The last day of fifth grade should mark the beginning of a fun-filled summer for a girl. Not the end of life as I know it.
No one ever accused me of being psychic, but I could tell the worst was on its way. I knew it because today we got our final report cards.
“Happy last day of school, Jen!” Emily yelled.
Heather--It sounds like you've got something good going here. I love mg novels...
ReplyDeleteI would remove "for a girl" from the first sentence. Readers will figure out it's a girl on their own.
Best wishes...
This is a good beginning. Some things are implied already--Jen is not a good student! There is conflict from the start here, which is a positive thing. The sentence "Not the end of life as I know it" is intriguing. The reader will wonder how a bad report card begins the process of a bad summer, and ultimately, the end of life as she knew it (unless she's being melodramatic and it's not really as big of a deal as she's making it sound, like...she has to go to summer school or something). One comment I have is that I think you need to say "the end of life as I KNEW it" rather than know, present tense. I'm not 100% sure on that, but it's a feeling I have.
ReplyDeleteGreat start! I agree with Sharon and Carol in that I would get rid of "for a girl" and change "know" to "knew". I'd definitely keep reading :)
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